Demons

I'm very careful when I pack my backpack in the morning. Living so far from campus, I always want to make certain that I don't forget something, because there is no way I will have the time to go back and get it.

I remember my keys, my iPad, my textbook for that one class. I make sure I have enough pens, that my water bottle is filled, and that I have my latest assignment before going out the door. And I never forget my demons.

It's not that I want to bring them along; it's just that I can't seems to get through the day without them popping up somewhere.

I have a friend who I walk to school with. He's pretty quiet, and doesn't usually say much until I talk first. He's willing to talk. I just have to make the first move.

On our walks, though, we don't usually talk. It's nice to have time to be quiet, just to think for a little bit. I know my companion be there if I need help. 

He can see in my face that my backpack is heavy, but He doesn't comment. He knows I'm proud; that I want to carry it myself. I don't think I need any help. The demons crawl around, making more fuss than usual. I simply shake my head and keep walking. They've been more lively than usual for the last few months. I haven't been meaning to feed them; they just pick up stuff.

The next day, my backpack seems heavier than before. I mention this to my companion, just for the quiet conversation.

He says, "You know, it would easier if you let me help with that."

"I know." I shrug, "but I'm pretty sure I can handle it myself. I don't want to bug you."

His eyes show the hurt. "I want to help you."

"If it gets too hard, I'll ask for your help. But doing it myself makes me stronger. I know I will be able to handle heavier things if I can do this by my self." The demons scrabble angrily in my backpack, but I push them to the back of my mind. If I can ignore them, it's like they aren't there.

My companion nods, and we don't talk for the rest of the day.

For the next week or so, my companion and I don't talk very much. We exchange pleasantries, polite nothing's, because I am too busy trying to handle my demons to say anything meaningful. My companion seems to drift away, but I will reach out after I finish dealing with my demons.

My backpack gets heavier as the days wear on. I walk to school slower and slower, my companion slowing pace to walk beside me.

Today, I couldn't walk anymore. I dropped to my knees, demons bursting from my backpack to scrabble around my shoulders, screeching in my ears and sitting on my chest. I can't breathe. I can't ask for help. I'm stronger than this. But I can't breathe.

"Help," I whisper, the words barely passing my lips before they transform into a sob. I'm sure He can't hear me. The demons are too loud. There is too much.

But He hears me. Within an instant, he has swept the demons into His bag. The silence is deafening. I can hear the demons protesting from His bag, but He simply shoulders it and reaches up to help me off the ground.

"It's okay,"  He puts His arm around my shoulders. "I've got this one. You can go on now."

My Savior walks me to school, arm around my shoulder and carrying my demons. All I have to do is let Him.