And now, the Worst Week of my Entire Existence

This week, my life fell apart almost completely. Everything fell to bits. So here I am, writing you to tell you about the worst week of my life. (And not to complain and whine about it. I promise there is a purpose behind writing all of this.)

Firstly, I had to say goodbye to a fantastic friend of mine. He was going into the MTC, which makes it a happy thing, but I will not see him for two years, which makes it a sad thing. He is one of my closest guy friends, and I am going to miss him like crazy. It was a hard way to start the week.

BUT THEN

While on my way to teach mutual in my home ward this past Wednesday, I was not paying enough attention and rear ended the van in front of me. Both of my air bags exploded, providing me with some very colorful scrapes, bruises, and burns, but the other driver and I were otherwise unharmed. Alonso, on the other hand, did not come out alive. With both airbags exploding and damage to his front, it’s extremely unlikely the insurance company will choose to save him. In just a couple moments, the car that I adore was undriveable.

BUT THEN

came the terribly awkward date. I’ll spare you the itty-bitty details, but it was probably the most awkward date I have ever been on. You know there is something wrong with a guy when he is 28 years old and still has over a year until he finishes his undergrad degree. Not the best way to make a first impression.

BUT THEN

On Saturday, I thought that my week couldn’t get any worse. I decided to jam out to some music while getting ready for Kaitlin to come over and try to cheer me up. My phone was resting on the speaker, but soon, I heard a strange clatter and my music shut off. Thinking my speaker was being finicky, I looked to find my iPhone had jumped off of the sink and landed in the open toilet. I had to fish it out, while trying not to swear. I believe I succeeded in the not swearing, which is considered a massive victory of self-control on my part.

So, as of this moment, my phone is buried in rice, my car is awaiting a death sentence in a tow yard, and my dating life is a big vast toxic wasteland of nothing.

I am so blessed.

And I seriously mean that. Because every time I have gotten a challenge this week, Heavenly Father has also given me exactly what I need to deal with it. Miraculously, Puff was driving by right as I had my accident, and she was able to sit with me and calm me down while I filled out my paperwork. My date may have been painfully awkward, but laughing about it with my roommates brought us closer than we have ever been. As for my phone… Well, I’m still looking for the good in that one, but I haven’t been nearly as upset about it as I could have been. I realize that things are just things and who I am is way more important than what I have.

My Heavenly Father loves me, and He has been watching out for me every second of this week. He knows that everything this week has not been easy, and I’m hoping that means He is planning to give me an easier time next week. But if not, He will give me the tools to deal with it.

Everyone gets challenges in their life. Challenges that are specific to them and to their needs. But everyone also gets talents. Talents that are specific to them and to their challenges. Everything you go through, Heavenly Father has given you what you need to get through that. I don’t know if you needed to hear that, but I know that Heavenly Father has a very special mission planned for you. Your challenges and your victories are all set before you, and Heavenly Father with help you through every single one of them.

You are EXACTLY when Heavenly Father wants you to be. He knows EXACTLY where you are and will work out EXACTLY the plan to get you where you need to be. He knows everything, from the biggest disasters to the smallest details. He's got you covered.

So I don't know about you, but I'm going to look back on this past week and smile. Because Heavenly Father has got something great coming for me.

Ripples

Did you know what you were doing?

Did you know that just for a moment,

classes would halt,

teachers would choke,

students would cry

and not move on.

Did you know how the emotions would flee,

but come back to beat those that you love, over

and over

and over

Did you know that they would dance for you?

I watched them.

Silent and alone.

Moving as a tribute

Learning to accept that you

would no longer dance.

Did you know people who didn't know you would cry for you?

Cry because they were sorry you felt so alone

you made that choice

another life was gone.

Did you know how much you were loved, but you couldn't see it?

Did you know that the loved changed, but it never went

away

Did you know you could walk in the school,

And hundreds of voices would rise up telling you why

You should live.

Did you know that you were gone, but they would carry you for the rest of their lives?

Your memory

Your smile

and the biggest weight

Why?

Jeremy, did you know?

Note: On the morning January 11th, Jeremy Peterson, a former student at Mountain View High School, took his own life. He was loved by many at the school, and his friends were shocked to hear the news. Although I did not know Jeremy personally, I was touched by his actions, and felt the need to put some words down, in tribute to him. Please, no one should do this, to themselves or to others.

Twestion

So I have decided that I am going to start writing some more. I'm thinking of posting the pieces that I write here, so that you lovely people can read them. What sayest thou? Yay or nay?

Allons-y!

Full of Sound and Fury

Okay, because I was reminded of this by reading a dear friends blog (Thanks Kaitlin!), I would like to post today about one of my favorite Shakespeare quotes. Actually, it really relates to my feelings today.

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

If you want, you can follow the link to get a short summary of the play up to this point, and what the literal meaning of the words are. But I'd like to go a little deeper and relate this to high school life. (Shocker, I know, but not impossible.)

The first time I heard this was in my 10th grade English class. I only liked Shakespeare back then, and didn't appreciate the full meaning of the words. It was just something we had to memorize for an assignment.

Then I watched the play Macbeth, starring Sir Patrick Stewart. (Professor Xavier and Captain Jean-Luc Pickard for those who don't know him by name). This was a very good version of the play, if not the best. Patrick Stewart completely blew me away in his epic performance of the tortured king, bringing both depth and ruthlessness to a complex character. This version was not for the faint of heart, showing plenty of blood and murder.

When it finished, there was a short section afterwords, where Patrick Stewart was being interviewed by a young lady. She asked him what he had done to prepare for the 'Tomorrow' speech, because it is such a widely preformed speech. He said that he had gone to talk to his friend Ian McKellen (Gandalf, Magneto), who had also played the part of Macbeth in the past. Patrick Stewart said that Ian McKellen told him something that he had never heard before, but that instantly made sense.

He said that the important part of the speech, was the word 'and'.

Think about it for a second. Say it out loud, to yourself. "Tomorrow AND Tomorrow AND Tomorrow." Something about emphasizing such a small word, marks the relentless passage of time. Tomorrow will always come, and there will be a tomorrow after that, and a tomorrow after that one...

If we look at life as a set of tomorrow's, there truly is nothing good in the world. Life signifies nothing when we focus on the tomorrow's. I know that as high school students, it's so easy to fall into the pattern of tomorrow's. Tomorrow a paper is due in English, Psychology reading is due on Tuesday. Many of the people I know tell me their weeks based on what they have due that day. I do it all the time.

"Out, Out brief candle!" Is that all we want from our lives? To turn in what is due, and then leave the stage? To me, this quote suggests that there is so much more to life. That if we focus on tomorrow, life will strut and fret, and then pass us by when we do not notice it. Signifying nothing.

Life is so much more than that.

Wishing for Worse

I wish I was a boat.

Not literally. I actually enjoy being a person, with a family, living my life day in and day out. But on the inside, I would like to be a boat.

A boat feels no pain. She doesn't feel the icy wind as it thrashes through her tender sails. She does not feel the knife-like rocks stabbed into her belly, nor the grasping intrusion of the barnacles on her hull.

I wish I was strong like that.

A boat is kind. Stepping on a boat is the first leap in an adventure. She takes people on their adventures, watching, waiting, hoping, praying, for her turn. But she must wait for her moment.

I wish I was patient like that.

A boat is dependable. You tie her up and she stays. You turn her left, and she readily obeys. She'll sail where you show her to and bring you back. She is not afraid to trust you.

I wish I was sane like that.

But yet, I am a boat.

Steady breath goes in and out

Like waves against a hull

Nimble fingers to reach and hold

Like the ropes that save lives

Meaningful words about to be spoken

Like full sails are blown into action

I laugh at the boat.

I sorrow for her.

For I have something

she can never achieve.

I have a soul.

A soul. A soul that can laugh, dance, cry, love, hate, sing, run, smile, write, play, hope, dream, pray, sleep, hurt, crack, bleed, flail, want, need, choose, learn, scream, sigh, help, catch, know. A soul can do, while a boat can not. A soul can live, while a boat can not.

Oh, and I can fly. Take that boat!

6 out of 7 pages done-ish!

So, for my Humanities project (yeah, it's seven pages long. I'm kind of ready to kill Mrs. Gessel) we had to create a piece of art in the same style of the artist that we did. Well, my assigned artist was Shakespeare and I got assigned sonnets. So guess what? I wrote a sonnet of my very own.

I know. You're surprised aren't you?

Anyway, so since I liked it I thought that perhaps it could have a place up here. It's about Shakespeare, because I couldn't think of a better subject. Enjoy!

Of the Bard, much controversy is said


Whether another wrote what bears his name

What he liked, and what went on in his head

If his birth and death are one and the same

But when views are laid aside for a while

And the works alone are carefully seen

Our tone can no longer be so hostile

To make the genius seem quite so obscene

The words, put together, make something rare

A vision of life, a dream beyond sense

An image of grace, beyond the compare

Of the so called experts, so I shall thence

Think well of the man, despite all I’ve heard

And from now on be called, an English nerd.

7 Hours

What would you do if joy was 7 hours away?

Would you go?


Would you stay?


Would the journey seem to long?


Would you just hope and pray it would happen, and then go back to life like nothing ever changed?


What if it wasn't lasting joy? What if it was just that one thing that you really have always wanted to do? Something to tell your grandkids about. An opportunity you would probably never have again. Not a chance. Could you take that chance?


What if you weren't even sure if it would work? You might not find what you were looking for. But you might.Would the hope be enough to keep you going? Or would the reality be too much for your dreams?


You have one chance to get there. To drop everything and run. Run towards joy.


7 hours. Would you take the chance?