And now, the Worst Week of my Entire Existence

This week, my life fell apart almost completely. Everything fell to bits. So here I am, writing you to tell you about the worst week of my life. (And not to complain and whine about it. I promise there is a purpose behind writing all of this.)

Firstly, I had to say goodbye to a fantastic friend of mine. He was going into the MTC, which makes it a happy thing, but I will not see him for two years, which makes it a sad thing. He is one of my closest guy friends, and I am going to miss him like crazy. It was a hard way to start the week.

BUT THEN

While on my way to teach mutual in my home ward this past Wednesday, I was not paying enough attention and rear ended the van in front of me. Both of my air bags exploded, providing me with some very colorful scrapes, bruises, and burns, but the other driver and I were otherwise unharmed. Alonso, on the other hand, did not come out alive. With both airbags exploding and damage to his front, it’s extremely unlikely the insurance company will choose to save him. In just a couple moments, the car that I adore was undriveable.

BUT THEN

came the terribly awkward date. I’ll spare you the itty-bitty details, but it was probably the most awkward date I have ever been on. You know there is something wrong with a guy when he is 28 years old and still has over a year until he finishes his undergrad degree. Not the best way to make a first impression.

BUT THEN

On Saturday, I thought that my week couldn’t get any worse. I decided to jam out to some music while getting ready for Kaitlin to come over and try to cheer me up. My phone was resting on the speaker, but soon, I heard a strange clatter and my music shut off. Thinking my speaker was being finicky, I looked to find my iPhone had jumped off of the sink and landed in the open toilet. I had to fish it out, while trying not to swear. I believe I succeeded in the not swearing, which is considered a massive victory of self-control on my part.

So, as of this moment, my phone is buried in rice, my car is awaiting a death sentence in a tow yard, and my dating life is a big vast toxic wasteland of nothing.

I am so blessed.

And I seriously mean that. Because every time I have gotten a challenge this week, Heavenly Father has also given me exactly what I need to deal with it. Miraculously, Puff was driving by right as I had my accident, and she was able to sit with me and calm me down while I filled out my paperwork. My date may have been painfully awkward, but laughing about it with my roommates brought us closer than we have ever been. As for my phone… Well, I’m still looking for the good in that one, but I haven’t been nearly as upset about it as I could have been. I realize that things are just things and who I am is way more important than what I have.

My Heavenly Father loves me, and He has been watching out for me every second of this week. He knows that everything this week has not been easy, and I’m hoping that means He is planning to give me an easier time next week. But if not, He will give me the tools to deal with it.

Everyone gets challenges in their life. Challenges that are specific to them and to their needs. But everyone also gets talents. Talents that are specific to them and to their challenges. Everything you go through, Heavenly Father has given you what you need to get through that. I don’t know if you needed to hear that, but I know that Heavenly Father has a very special mission planned for you. Your challenges and your victories are all set before you, and Heavenly Father with help you through every single one of them.

You are EXACTLY when Heavenly Father wants you to be. He knows EXACTLY where you are and will work out EXACTLY the plan to get you where you need to be. He knows everything, from the biggest disasters to the smallest details. He's got you covered.

So I don't know about you, but I'm going to look back on this past week and smile. Because Heavenly Father has got something great coming for me.

Dear Old J.K: A Sonnet

Her books were fables told throughout the land

Her monetary gains Smaug’s golden hoard

New babies bore the storybook names and

Her magic castle never left them bored.

Her hands were wands, spinning spells with each word

Her eyes, crystal balls, saw more than revealed

Her ears magic radios, wherein she heard

Strange characters - their fate already sealed.

Her lips like vaults. She kept her secrets in

‘Til days came when Harry’s story was done.

Now magic sits forgotten in a bin

While Cuckoos fly and Vacancies are won.

Never again will Harry’s broomstick soar,

But yet, Ms. Rowling, we wish there were more.

A favorite poem

"Bury Me in a Free Land" 
By Frances Ellen Watkins Harper

Make me a grave where'er you will,
In a lowly plain, or a lofty hill;
Make it among earth's humblest graves,
But not in a land where men are slaves.

I could not rest if around my grave
I heard the steps of a trembling slave;
His shadow above my silent tomb
Would make it a place of fearful gloom.

I could not rest if I heard the tread
Of a coffle gang to the shambles led,
And the mother's shriek of wild despair
Rise like a curse on the trembling air.

I could not sleep if I saw the lash
Drinking her blood at each fearful gash,
And I saw her babes torn from her breast,
Like trembling doves from their parent nest.

I'd shudder and start if I heard the bay
Of bloodhounds seizing their human prey,
And I heard the captive plead in vain
As they bound afresh his galling chain.

If I saw young girls from their mother's arms
Bartered and sold for their youthful charms,
My eye would flash with a mournful flame,
My death-paled cheek grow red with shame.

I would sleep, dear friends, where bloated might
Can rob no man of his dearest right;
My rest shall be calm in any grave
Where none can call his brother a slave.

I ask no monument, proud and high,
To arrest the gaze of the passers-by;
All that my yearning spirit craves,
Is bury me not in a land of slaves.

Divergence

I will go and do*

or will I stay

Some know the path

without trial

but there are so many ways

two paths diverged in a wood*

one is less traveled by

which makes all the difference

but which one is mine?

the things which the Lord has commanded

are different for me

than for you

To camp is not for me

but my wilderness is just as long

one path has better claim

though worn about the same

who’s to tell which path

leads to which end

for I know that the Lord giveth

to those that asketh

but His time is certainly

not mine and I worry

with the wait

we must keep one for another

day, although the two paths

will never meet again

I do not know the difference

no commandment unto the children of men save

He knows the path

but in the road, I’ll stop and turn*

some of us like the know where

we put our feet

The path no step had trodden

back is a harder hike

not just because you must fight

but you do not know the path

He shall prepare a way

for listeners

for believers

for heart-heavy foot stomping breath-holding plungers

who ask to shoot out the lights*

Looking down both paths is

good, for He understands the fear

But sighing ages hence, which

will have made the difference?

for them that they may accomplish the thing

that He has planned

that they must do

the thing that He knows

is absolute best

I took the one

It has made all the difference

not how worn the road

but how right the road

which He has commanded them

not all commandments

are the same

not all woodland paths

publish equal claim

Footnotes:

*1 Nephi 3:7

*"The Road Not Taken", Robert Frost, poem

* "Homeward Bound", Marta Keen, song

* "Shoot Out the Lights", Ron Pope, song

Do you ever have things you just need to do?

I'm not talking about something that you want to do. I'm not talking about something you don't want to do but know you should. I'm not talking about those important everyday things required to succeed at life. I'm not even talking about something you dream about doing.

I'm talking about something you NEED to do.

The kind of need that starts with a pulling in your stomach, an intense misture of fear and anticipation.

It rises until it sits on your heart, where it just swells and grows. It pulses, uncomfortable at first, but then rise to fill your entire body with an intense need. It's not something you can think about doing anymore. You just need to do it.

It consumes your body, driving you to the point where you can't sit still any more. You need to do it. And you need to do it now.

This. I need to do this.

Mr. H. Potter

The Cupboard under the Stairs

4 Privet Drive

Little Whinging

Surrey

Dear Harry,

You know, I'm used to thinking of you as grown up. I'm used to thinking of you as being over, having defeated Voldemort once and for all. I've seen it happen. I won't try to deny that it did. 

But today, I remembered that you are not only the boy who watched Dumbledore fall, the boy who tracked the horcruxes, the boy who was willing to die, the man who snapped a wand. I love to see you as all those things, but you are not only those things. 

You're the little boy who found a better world. 

You're the little boy who knew what the face of true friendship looked like. 

You're the little boy who knew to help those in need. 

You're the little boy who was so thankful for a sweater and some fudge. 

You're the little boy who knew to do what is right, even when no one was listening and you couldn't win. 

You're the little boy who lay in your hospital bed yelling "VOLDEMORT" because you knew, even then, that you couldn't be afraid. 

And you, little boy, will always live in my heart, hand in hand with the man you will become. 

All my love,

Sarah

Les "All the tears you can ever possibly cry"-ables

So, I have been on the biggest Les Miserables kick lately. I've always loved it, since I first saw it when I was twelve years old and the high school did it. I bawled. Sobbed. Since then, I saw it again onstage, watched the movie (which I thought was okay. But let's face it. Hugh Jackman butchered "Bring Him Home"), and I am currently listening to the audiobook, which has been extremely illuminating. And I just keep loving it more and more.

Because I've listened to the music so many times, I have started noticing some interesting things. I started to realize that some of the songs have the same basic melody. At first, I was upset. I was upset at the laziness of the composers. This beautiful musical deserves more than simply rewriting lyrics. But upon recognizing which songs had similar melodies, I realized that it was  done on purpose. The composers, instead of being lazy, were making purposeful MUSICAL ALLUSIONS!!!!

Needless to say, I freaked out. I started drawing all sort of connections between characters and events in the musical. Possibly it's my natural English major showing, but anytime I found another connection, I found something even deeper meaning in the story. I'll include links here so that you can hear the songs for yourself. I avoided some of the more overt ones (Do You Hear the People Sing/Finale or One Day More for example), but I wanted to point out some of the connections I've found.

"What Have I Done?": http://grooveshark.com/s/Who+Am+I+The+Trial/2v5KlW?src=5

"Javert's suicide": http://grooveshark.com/s/Javert+s+Suicide/2E5VVv?src=5

This is probably my favorite connection that I have found. This was the first one I noticed, that nearly the same song opens and closes the play. I love it because it suddenly brings these two warring characters so very close together. Javert is the antithesis of our hero Valjean, but these songs show us that they are not that different. At this point in his life, Valjean has made only bad decisions. He has become hardened to the world around him but comes to realize that he needs to change his entire life, that he needs to change his perspective completely to be able to continue living. He chooses to dedicate his life to God.

"I am reaching but I fall

And the night is closing in

As I stare into the void

To the whirlpool of my sin.

I'll escape now from this world

From the world of Jean Valjean

Jean Valjean is nothing now.

Another story must begin."

But, it is the same for Javert in the song he sings before his suicide. He even sings some of the same phrases (gives me chills). Javert, after seeing Valjean, begins to wonder if maybe he has been wrong about his entire life. The strict laws he have lived his entire life by are suddenly upset and he tries to figure out how he can live his life in this new world. There lies the major difference between the two of them. Javert can't change. He can't reconcile this new world with his opinion of the way things should be. 

"I am reaching but I fall

And the stars are black and cold

As I stare into the void

Of a world that cannot hold.

I'll escape now from this world

From the world of Jean Valjean.

There is no where I can turn.

There is no way to go on."

"Come to Me (Fantine's Death): http://grooveshark.com/s/Come+To+Me+Fontine+s+Death/21tfnc?src=5

"On My Own": http://grooveshark.com/s/On+My+Own/288lKe?src=5

"Finale": http://grooveshark.com/s/Finale/2v43YJ?src=5

I was extremely surprised to recognize this connection with "On My Own" being such a big belty song from the musical. But really, this tune happens at the same moment, when all of these pure characters are dying. For Eponine, it may not be physical death, but she has finally realized that Marius has never and will never love her. And yes, she completely dies inside. These characters have all had bad things happen in their lives, mostly to them. The beauty of Hugo's story is that the most innocent characters are the ones who have to suffer the most. But they are the ones who make it to heaven in the end. 

"Valjean Forgiven": http://grooveshark.com/s/Valjean+Arrested+Valjean+Forgi/21tfdw?src=5

"Empty Chairs at Empty Tables": http://grooveshark.com/s/Empty+Chairs+At+Empty+Tables/2fvW60?src=5

This one may be a little more of a stretch, but bear with me. The advice that the Bishop gives to Valjean after giving him the silver candlesticks is the same tune as when Marius sings after the death of all of his friends. This may be a shot in the dark, but I think it is simply to convey that same feeling of brotherly love. Marius is the survivor,completely devastated with grief, and it's up to him to carry the torch from his friends. I can just see the bishop crouching down by Marius in the empty cafe and singing.

"But remember this my brother

See in this some higher plan....

By the witness of the Martyrs

By the passion and the blood

God has raised you out of darkness

I have saved your soul for God."

And yes, I cried while writing this post.