Wishing for Worse

I wish I was a boat.

Not literally. I actually enjoy being a person, with a family, living my life day in and day out. But on the inside, I would like to be a boat.

A boat feels no pain. She doesn't feel the icy wind as it thrashes through her tender sails. She does not feel the knife-like rocks stabbed into her belly, nor the grasping intrusion of the barnacles on her hull.

I wish I was strong like that.

A boat is kind. Stepping on a boat is the first leap in an adventure. She takes people on their adventures, watching, waiting, hoping, praying, for her turn. But she must wait for her moment.

I wish I was patient like that.

A boat is dependable. You tie her up and she stays. You turn her left, and she readily obeys. She'll sail where you show her to and bring you back. She is not afraid to trust you.

I wish I was sane like that.

But yet, I am a boat.

Steady breath goes in and out

Like waves against a hull

Nimble fingers to reach and hold

Like the ropes that save lives

Meaningful words about to be spoken

Like full sails are blown into action

I laugh at the boat.

I sorrow for her.

For I have something

she can never achieve.

I have a soul.

A soul. A soul that can laugh, dance, cry, love, hate, sing, run, smile, write, play, hope, dream, pray, sleep, hurt, crack, bleed, flail, want, need, choose, learn, scream, sigh, help, catch, know. A soul can do, while a boat can not. A soul can live, while a boat can not.

Oh, and I can fly. Take that boat!

Musings

Hmm... What can I say about today?

How 'bout seminary is amazing?

I mean seriously, seminary is pretty much the most amazing experience of my life. Every time i go there, I seem to find a new level of happiness.

That's the end of my blog today. Go to seminary. It's totally worth it.

I feel like I am standing of the top of a cliff. The Cliff of Insanity.

I curl my toes, and I can feel the edge crumble beneath them. I am so close now. So close to slipping. Slipping and falling down
down
down

Past the realms of reality.

I don't want to focus on what is on the top of the cliff. I don't want to deal with that harsh reality any longer. I don't want to focus on what is at the bottom of the cliff. I don't want to think about the consequences.

I don't want to fall. I want to jump.

I want to jump, and fly through the air, not worried about past or future. Not wondering where my life would go. Just falling.

I don't want to die. I know there is life on the other side, and I'd be in BIG trouble if I showed up unexpectedly. I don't want a break. Breaks are only the extension of the stress.

I want to go insane. Shut down. Refuse to function.

And somedays I am just so close....

Help?

Okay, so I've got this friend. She's not a member of the Church, but she has lived here a long time so she knows a lot about Mormons. I've been trying to think of a way to approach the topic of the Gospel with her, but she just doesn't seem open to it.

She went to Seminary for a couple of years, and has dated some Mormon guys. She says she has read the Book of Mormon twice, but she just doesn't like it very well. I'm kind of at a loos of what to do. I think that the gospel could really make her life a lot better, and could help her through the difficult times she is going through right now, but I don't know how to approach the topic with her, in a way that she won't think I'm preaching.

Do you guys have any ideas? I know we live in Happy Valley, so there aren't a lot of opportunities like this. The end of the Semester is coming quickly, and I don't know if I will have a class with her after this. I would really like to help this girl, but I don't know how.

On a similar thought, can you imagine your lives without the gospel? With out knowing the truths of eternity? That would be so dark. So hopeless. Without the love of my Savior in my life, I couldn't last a day. I don't want this girl to have to do it by herself anymore. Because no one should have to do it alone.

Could I be any more nerdy?

I don't know if any of you have heard, but they are current making a movie of the book The Hobbit. When I first heard about this, I was rather iffy. I mean, the LOTR movies were so good; could they really make the prequel that would measure up? After doing some research, I can say that I can't wait for it to come out!

Firstly, Martin Freeman is playing Bilbo Baggins. From his quirky portrayal of Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, to the intelligent and loyal Dr. Watson in BBC's Sherlock series, this guy can act. Not to mention he looks like a hobbit.
A cute hobbit. :)

Secondly, Peter Jackson is being the director. Having had a large part in the making of the LOTR series, it makes sense that he would be a big part of this movie. Hearing he was the director has caused some of the actors from the series to express an interest in being in the movie. Both Orlando Bloom (Legolas) and Cate Blanchett (Galadriel) are said to have interest in being in the film, even though neither of those characters appear in the book. Plus, Howard Shore, who was the composer of the amazing music to the LOTR movies, is also composing for The Hobbit.

Thirdly, there is a massive amount of rumors surrounding this film. Many of which I want to believe. For instance, the fact that Leonard Nimoy (who plays the original Spock) is going to voice Smaug the dragon. That would be awesome. And the fact that it is rumored that David Tennant wants a part in the movie. Although I could be biased, because I think any movie with David Tennant in it is amazing. :)

Only problem with the movie, it is coming out in two parts. Not only do I have to wait at least a year for the first part, but then that means I have to wait forever for the second part.

Still, sounds AMAZING!! Are you going to see it when it come out?

I believe

Today, on this Sunday before Christmas, I would like to share with you one of my most tender beliefs.

Angels.

Perhaps this beautiful video can say it better than I can.



Thank you for being the angels in my life.

6 out of 7 pages done-ish!

So, for my Humanities project (yeah, it's seven pages long. I'm kind of ready to kill Mrs. Gessel) we had to create a piece of art in the same style of the artist that we did. Well, my assigned artist was Shakespeare and I got assigned sonnets. So guess what? I wrote a sonnet of my very own.

I know. You're surprised aren't you?

Anyway, so since I liked it I thought that perhaps it could have a place up here. It's about Shakespeare, because I couldn't think of a better subject. Enjoy!

Of the Bard, much controversy is said


Whether another wrote what bears his name

What he liked, and what went on in his head

If his birth and death are one and the same

But when views are laid aside for a while

And the works alone are carefully seen

Our tone can no longer be so hostile

To make the genius seem quite so obscene

The words, put together, make something rare

A vision of life, a dream beyond sense

An image of grace, beyond the compare

Of the so called experts, so I shall thence

Think well of the man, despite all I’ve heard

And from now on be called, an English nerd.