Wow.... Slackerface

I have recently realized that perhaps I have not been exactly diligent in posting on this blog. BUT this will change! I have now redesigned my blog (If you hadn't noticed, look around you. Things look different. In the most awesome sense.) and because of this I am now feeling more motivated to post weekly! "How long will this last?" you may ask. My reply to you: "I dunno."

Anyway, today I watched the Emma Smith movie for the first time. For those of you who haven't seen it, I encourage you to. It really was a life changing experience. To see a woman who has been through so much and stayed so strong in the gospel is amazing to me. I'll admit that I cried at least a little bit. Tell me if you haven't seen it, and we will watch it together.

My favorite part of the movie was at the very end. While laying on her deathbed, Emma spoke these final words: "Joseph... Joseph... I'm coming."

Beautiful.

Allons-y!

hello?

Full of Sound and Fury

Okay, because I was reminded of this by reading a dear friends blog (Thanks Kaitlin!), I would like to post today about one of my favorite Shakespeare quotes. Actually, it really relates to my feelings today.

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

If you want, you can follow the link to get a short summary of the play up to this point, and what the literal meaning of the words are. But I'd like to go a little deeper and relate this to high school life. (Shocker, I know, but not impossible.)

The first time I heard this was in my 10th grade English class. I only liked Shakespeare back then, and didn't appreciate the full meaning of the words. It was just something we had to memorize for an assignment.

Then I watched the play Macbeth, starring Sir Patrick Stewart. (Professor Xavier and Captain Jean-Luc Pickard for those who don't know him by name). This was a very good version of the play, if not the best. Patrick Stewart completely blew me away in his epic performance of the tortured king, bringing both depth and ruthlessness to a complex character. This version was not for the faint of heart, showing plenty of blood and murder.

When it finished, there was a short section afterwords, where Patrick Stewart was being interviewed by a young lady. She asked him what he had done to prepare for the 'Tomorrow' speech, because it is such a widely preformed speech. He said that he had gone to talk to his friend Ian McKellen (Gandalf, Magneto), who had also played the part of Macbeth in the past. Patrick Stewart said that Ian McKellen told him something that he had never heard before, but that instantly made sense.

He said that the important part of the speech, was the word 'and'.

Think about it for a second. Say it out loud, to yourself. "Tomorrow AND Tomorrow AND Tomorrow." Something about emphasizing such a small word, marks the relentless passage of time. Tomorrow will always come, and there will be a tomorrow after that, and a tomorrow after that one...

If we look at life as a set of tomorrow's, there truly is nothing good in the world. Life signifies nothing when we focus on the tomorrow's. I know that as high school students, it's so easy to fall into the pattern of tomorrow's. Tomorrow a paper is due in English, Psychology reading is due on Tuesday. Many of the people I know tell me their weeks based on what they have due that day. I do it all the time.

"Out, Out brief candle!" Is that all we want from our lives? To turn in what is due, and then leave the stage? To me, this quote suggests that there is so much more to life. That if we focus on tomorrow, life will strut and fret, and then pass us by when we do not notice it. Signifying nothing.

Life is so much more than that.

Wishing for Worse

I wish I was a boat.

Not literally. I actually enjoy being a person, with a family, living my life day in and day out. But on the inside, I would like to be a boat.

A boat feels no pain. She doesn't feel the icy wind as it thrashes through her tender sails. She does not feel the knife-like rocks stabbed into her belly, nor the grasping intrusion of the barnacles on her hull.

I wish I was strong like that.

A boat is kind. Stepping on a boat is the first leap in an adventure. She takes people on their adventures, watching, waiting, hoping, praying, for her turn. But she must wait for her moment.

I wish I was patient like that.

A boat is dependable. You tie her up and she stays. You turn her left, and she readily obeys. She'll sail where you show her to and bring you back. She is not afraid to trust you.

I wish I was sane like that.

But yet, I am a boat.

Steady breath goes in and out

Like waves against a hull

Nimble fingers to reach and hold

Like the ropes that save lives

Meaningful words about to be spoken

Like full sails are blown into action

I laugh at the boat.

I sorrow for her.

For I have something

she can never achieve.

I have a soul.

A soul. A soul that can laugh, dance, cry, love, hate, sing, run, smile, write, play, hope, dream, pray, sleep, hurt, crack, bleed, flail, want, need, choose, learn, scream, sigh, help, catch, know. A soul can do, while a boat can not. A soul can live, while a boat can not.

Oh, and I can fly. Take that boat!

Musings

Hmm... What can I say about today?

How 'bout seminary is amazing?

I mean seriously, seminary is pretty much the most amazing experience of my life. Every time i go there, I seem to find a new level of happiness.

That's the end of my blog today. Go to seminary. It's totally worth it.

I feel like I am standing of the top of a cliff. The Cliff of Insanity.

I curl my toes, and I can feel the edge crumble beneath them. I am so close now. So close to slipping. Slipping and falling down
down
down

Past the realms of reality.

I don't want to focus on what is on the top of the cliff. I don't want to deal with that harsh reality any longer. I don't want to focus on what is at the bottom of the cliff. I don't want to think about the consequences.

I don't want to fall. I want to jump.

I want to jump, and fly through the air, not worried about past or future. Not wondering where my life would go. Just falling.

I don't want to die. I know there is life on the other side, and I'd be in BIG trouble if I showed up unexpectedly. I don't want a break. Breaks are only the extension of the stress.

I want to go insane. Shut down. Refuse to function.

And somedays I am just so close....

Help?

Okay, so I've got this friend. She's not a member of the Church, but she has lived here a long time so she knows a lot about Mormons. I've been trying to think of a way to approach the topic of the Gospel with her, but she just doesn't seem open to it.

She went to Seminary for a couple of years, and has dated some Mormon guys. She says she has read the Book of Mormon twice, but she just doesn't like it very well. I'm kind of at a loos of what to do. I think that the gospel could really make her life a lot better, and could help her through the difficult times she is going through right now, but I don't know how to approach the topic with her, in a way that she won't think I'm preaching.

Do you guys have any ideas? I know we live in Happy Valley, so there aren't a lot of opportunities like this. The end of the Semester is coming quickly, and I don't know if I will have a class with her after this. I would really like to help this girl, but I don't know how.

On a similar thought, can you imagine your lives without the gospel? With out knowing the truths of eternity? That would be so dark. So hopeless. Without the love of my Savior in my life, I couldn't last a day. I don't want this girl to have to do it by herself anymore. Because no one should have to do it alone.