Time is relative...

I believe there are some events in our lives that are so important, so emotional, that we feel echoes of them in our lives before they really happen. The feelings we have in those moments are so poignant, so important, that the emotions can not be contained in this single moment. They reverberate through time, giving us these feelings we experience before we even know why we should be feeling this way.

One day, I'm going to hold my baby son in my arms and tell him how much I missed him before he was born.

Demons

I'm very careful when I pack my backpack in the morning. Living so far from campus, I always want to make certain that I don't forget something, because there is no way I will have the time to go back and get it.

I remember my keys, my iPad, my textbook for that one class. I make sure I have enough pens, that my water bottle is filled, and that I have my latest assignment before going out the door. And I never forget my demons.

It's not that I want to bring them along; it's just that I can't seems to get through the day without them popping up somewhere.

I have a friend who I walk to school with. He's pretty quiet, and doesn't usually say much until I talk first. He's willing to talk. I just have to make the first move.

On our walks, though, we don't usually talk. It's nice to have time to be quiet, just to think for a little bit. I know my companion be there if I need help. 

He can see in my face that my backpack is heavy, but He doesn't comment. He knows I'm proud; that I want to carry it myself. I don't think I need any help. The demons crawl around, making more fuss than usual. I simply shake my head and keep walking. They've been more lively than usual for the last few months. I haven't been meaning to feed them; they just pick up stuff.

The next day, my backpack seems heavier than before. I mention this to my companion, just for the quiet conversation.

He says, "You know, it would easier if you let me help with that."

"I know." I shrug, "but I'm pretty sure I can handle it myself. I don't want to bug you."

His eyes show the hurt. "I want to help you."

"If it gets too hard, I'll ask for your help. But doing it myself makes me stronger. I know I will be able to handle heavier things if I can do this by my self." The demons scrabble angrily in my backpack, but I push them to the back of my mind. If I can ignore them, it's like they aren't there.

My companion nods, and we don't talk for the rest of the day.

For the next week or so, my companion and I don't talk very much. We exchange pleasantries, polite nothing's, because I am too busy trying to handle my demons to say anything meaningful. My companion seems to drift away, but I will reach out after I finish dealing with my demons.

My backpack gets heavier as the days wear on. I walk to school slower and slower, my companion slowing pace to walk beside me.

Today, I couldn't walk anymore. I dropped to my knees, demons bursting from my backpack to scrabble around my shoulders, screeching in my ears and sitting on my chest. I can't breathe. I can't ask for help. I'm stronger than this. But I can't breathe.

"Help," I whisper, the words barely passing my lips before they transform into a sob. I'm sure He can't hear me. The demons are too loud. There is too much.

But He hears me. Within an instant, he has swept the demons into His bag. The silence is deafening. I can hear the demons protesting from His bag, but He simply shoulders it and reaches up to help me off the ground.

"It's okay,"  He puts His arm around my shoulders. "I've got this one. You can go on now."

My Savior walks me to school, arm around my shoulder and carrying my demons. All I have to do is let Him.

I''m a Liebster

An Award?!? Pour Moi?!?! If you insist :)

So, recently I noticed that my dear fiend Kaitlin tagged me to answer these question thingys. So I will, because I think this is a great idea!

1. Favorite literary device and why?

This is a cruel, cruel question to give an English major. It's like asking me to choose a favorite hour. Or a favorite appendage. Or a favorite child, figuratively of course. I don't have children.

After reading The Book Thief, I quite like synecdoche. Other than the fact that very few people know how to spell/pronounce it (Seriously. It took me ten minutes to look up the right spelling, and the spellcheck wants me to change it to 'Indochinese.' I'm not even joking.) It adds more emotion, being able to use multiple sense to describe one thing.

2. Current Favorite Band?

Muse, My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park, The Script, The Wanted, One Direction, Chameleon Circuit, Keane, Within Temptation, Green Day, The Beatles, Celtic Woman, Busted, Allstar Weekend, Hot Cehlle Rae, Aqua...

 Should I go on?

3. Where do you want to be right now?

Honestly, wherever the Lord wants me.

4.What are you most looking forward to in the near future?

CHRISTMAS. Of course. Seriously, I am the type of person who starts counting down to Christmas in October, wants to hang up Christmas decorations as soon as Halloween is over, listens to Christmas music constantly until the blessed day, and cries when I have to put the Christmas tree away before New Year's.

5.Current favorite book and why?

I just barely finished Midnight in Austenland by Shannon Hale, which turned out to be way better than I thought it would be.

Flailing in your bed because you are so excited about the book good. I won't say it is my favorite because, as previously mentioned, I don't like that word, but yes, I really liked this book.

6. Do you prefer berries or stone fruit, like blueberries or peaches?

Absolutely berries.

7.What's frustrating you most right now?

I know this sounds totally cliche, but boys. Actually, a few boys in particular. They are just hard to read and confusing. I wish I could even come close to understanding them. Also, I haven't been asked on a date since sophomore year of high school. That's a little frustrating.

8. Favorite television show and why?

Oh. Dear. The best way I know to explain this is with a story...

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Let's call her Sarah, by pure coincidence. One day she walked in on her father watching this show with a bald man and a blonde girl. After watching for a few minutes, not wanted to offend her father, the girl left the room so she could go tell her mother how cheesy the show was and how her father was totally silly for watching it. A few weeks later, she walked in on her father watching the same show, but with a different man. A fairly attractive man. She sat down to watch the show and found that yes, it was totally cheesy, but she enjoyed it. Her father, now beginning to lose interest in the show, watched a few more episodes with his daughter, than allowed her to watch the rest of the series on her own.

Which turned out to be good when she came to the end of the series. What this girl saw changed the way she looked at stories and television for the rest of her life. The ending of the story was right, but it wasn't happy. She was never sure if she cried at the end because it was so sad or so beautiful. But she couldn't make it through without trying. Although it was truly a silly television show, it showed her a better way of living.

I know I've complained about the newest seasons of Doctor Who, but I don't think anything can take me away from the emotions and, yes, spirituality I got from that show.

Deep breath. I got emotional about that.

9. Why is so good to love stories and things that don't technically exist? (It's as if Kaitlin knew what would be going through my mind while I wrote this post! O_o)

In my opinion, there are a couple reasons for this.

1. We all live in our own little universes. As hard as we try, we can never truly understand what goes on inside someone else. We never quite realize that they feel the entire depth of emotion that we do, that they are just as complex and tangled as we are.

Everyone walks around with a totally different universe inside their heads. Stories are the closest we ever get to stepping inside the same universe as someone else.

2. Stories are what keep us human. Personally, I think any depth of feeling is a good thing, because it keeps us from becoming completely numb in a world of disconnection. Stories show us what there is to love, or hate about the world. Stories communicate feelings better than words.

If you can't let yourself feel for anything, you will never be strong enough to feel for something.To me, someone who feels emotions deeply, fiercely, keenly, is someone who I admire. Someone who has great strength.

3. Perhaps someone else said this better than I did, about the stories that really matter.

10. What were you doing before answering these questions on your blog?

Watching The R.M. and eating chicken noodle soup. Before that I was at ward choir and...yeah, nevermind :)

11. Favorite poem?

Wow. You just like to be mean to me, don't you? ;) Here's a list of a bunch of my favorites, right now.

"Dulce et Dercom Est"

"The Road Less Traveled"

"The Fellowship of the Unashamed" (more prose than poem, but my mission statement)

"My Mistress' eyes.."

"Harlem"

"A book is like a frigate"

and so many others that I can't think of right now.

I would like to give this award to BREANNA!!!!! Because I want to hear her answers. 

You can find her here: http://dancingthroughlifebz.blogspot.com/

And her questions are....

1. If you could write one episode for any television show, what would be the show and what would the episode be about?

2. Penguins or anteaters? This is a serious question.

3. What is one recipe you have always wanted to try?

4. What would you most hate majoring in?

5. Least favorite piece of furniture?

6. Favorite Harry Potter character excluding Snape?

7. What is your favorite quote?

8. Is it better to have seen cried and learned from it, or to have avoided that heartache at all?

9. Which celebrity would you like to go to the zoo with?

10. What would be the ideal ringtones for your top 5 contacts in your phone?

And 11. Why is some music so beautiful?

Reverence for the Fallen

The fallen soldier waking up
Eyes met a foreign land
The world around him gleamed like snow
Though he still felt the grit of sand.

He sat up cautiously and found
His weapon now displaced
His turn to fight that lonely war
The blood of others marked his face

Fighting hard to stand erect,
The soldier surely knew
The land he's in is not the land he left
The free land's left his view.

He thought of friends, the ones he loved
And ideals worth fighting for
These thoughts, the ones that kept him strong
Throughout the endless war

Than in the distance, the soldier spied
A man he thought he knew
Friend or foe, he was not sure
But to his cause he would be true.

The soldier rose to meet the man,
Although he was unarmed.
He knew his fight, his one last stand
Could keep his loves from harm.

"You there," he said, raising his fists
"You with fire in your face.
I'm here to stand, defend my cause,
Protect my home, my sacred place."

"For years I've fought this hardy war
To help what I hold dear.
Them I'll defend until the end.
My mission has been clear."

The stranger came, stepped closer still,
'til the man could recognize
He knew that face, the scar filled hands,
The kind and loving eyes.

"My child," He said. "You've fought so long.
A weary time you've known.
Your deed is done. Your task complete.
It's time for coming home."

So hand in hand the Savior walked
The soldier off the field
For him, the fight went on no more
Twas time for him to yield.

Lord, bless the soldiers fighting on
The strong who fight for me.
Bless the ones who make it home.
From their horrors, set them free.

Above all, Lord, bless the ones
You take home far above.
Give them our thanks, our prayers, our praise
Theirs is the duty of true love.

The world amazes me with its awesomeness...

I bet you didn't know there was a Lord of the Rings musical. I bet you also didn't know it was awesome. They sing in Elvish. Technically, they sing in Quenya, which isn't historically accurate to the elves of the Third Age, but still. Elvish.

(Watch me! I'm pretty awesome)

The future doesn't lie in my hands, but...

If you haven't seen the Avengers movie yet, I suggest you seriously consider becoming a kamikaze warrior. The writing was spot on, the music brilliant, the characterization amazing, the acting spectacular, the special effects superb, and OH MY HEAVENS JUST GO AND WATCH IT ALREADY.

As a comic reader and a gigonormous Joss Whedon fan, I have a few things I would like to see come up in future Avengers movies, either in group movies or the character's solo films. 

#1 (and probably the most important one): MORE FEMALE CHARACTERS

I'm not saying any of the female characters in Avengers were bad, because they were freaking awesome. I just want to continue seeing more of this awesomeness. Joss Whedon is a master at creating strong female characters (Buffy Summers, River Tam, or Echo anyone?), and I want to see even more of that from him. Of course, Joss is limited by copyright (Fox owns both the X-men and the FF rights, while Columbia owns Spiderman), but there are still many female characters available to him, my personal favorites including Ms. Marvel, She-Hulk, Elektra, Valkyrie, and Sharon Carter.

#2:  Tony Strak's alcoholism

Tony Stark's battle with alcoholism is one of my favorite stories in the Marvel universe. Suddenly, the witty "billionaire genius playboy philanthropist" who we all know and love finds himself crippled by this disease, as it slowly begins to destroy his life. I won't give too much away, but as his life shatters, Tony is forced to admit that he made a mistake. Tony really grows up through this, becoming less of a comic book character and more of a real person. I think that the movies have set up the right environment for this message to be presented, and would be an interesting twist, watching Tony Stark battle alcoholism while battling bad guys.

#3: SKRULL INVASION!!

Those of you who haven't read the comic books will have no idea what I am talking about, and that's okay. Because it's still awesome. Skrulls are shape-shifting aliens that have strong desires to take over the Earth, because everyone wants to do that. Realizing that the Avengers pose a major problem to their plans, the Skrulls infiltrate the Avengers. Posing as various members of the Avengers, many Skrulls remained undiscovered for quite some time. I believe that Skrulls are a very typical Joss Whedon plot twist. You are just happily enjoying your movie, watching the heroes defeat the bad guys, and all of the sudden at the last minute, it is revealed that certain key character has actually been a Skrull! Leaving you bewildered and confused until the next movie. Knowing Joss, whoever the Skrull was impersonating is probably dead. Just because you liked them.  

#4: Hawkeye's Story

I'm not going to lie to you right now; I am totally biased when it comes to Hawkeye. He is absolutely one of my very favorite heroes. Having him introduced in Thor was amazing. I almost died. Although Hawkeye was Awesome with a capital A in the Avengers movie, he didn't get much story time.  (Spoiler: He spends the first half of the movie being possessed by a bad guy, the second half being angry and shooting stuff.) He doesn't need to have his own movie, but I would love it if we could learn about his brother and Trickshot and Trick Shot and Baron Zemo. And his blindness. And also Crossfire, can't forget him. And also Mockingjay. Okay, maybe he needs his own movies. A WHOLE SERIES OF THEM!!!

And finally...

#5: NO ZOMBIE STORYLINES!!!!!!

NONONONONONONONO

AND

#6: MORE JOSS WHEDON!!!!!!!

This man, this genius who gave us both the writing and direction for the first movie, has not yet been confirmed for the Avengers sequel. Marvel is fairly notorious for firing their directors (neither of the directors from Thor or Captain America: The First Avenger will be return, despite the success of their films), but we can hope they will have the sense to keep Mr.Whedon. 

The real question is, will Mr. Whedon keep them? Joss has expressed his dislike of writing characters that are not his own, and has also spoken of being interested in making another television series. (But really Joss, we all know that Fox is going to cancel your series, no matter how good it is.)

What would you like to see in future Avengers movies? You don't have to have read the comic books; I jsut want to hear what other people thought of the movies, and where the series should go.

Allons-y!

COMING SOON: A look at my dream casting for future Marvel Characters. 

TT#4: This is the Christ

I know that Christ is my Savior. I know He cares for my every need. He feels all my pain and He will always be there to comfort me. I know that when I need Him, He will never forsake me. He would have died for me and only me.

He is my Redeemer and my King.

Allons-y!

TT #3: Will you meet me halfway?

Wow. I'm kind of disappointed that I already missed one day. I thought this was going to be such a good idea, but then I failed. Oh well! I shall try again!

The Lord will bless you for doing your best. If you try your hardest, He will know it. You may no get exactly what you want, but your efforts will not go unrecognized or unrewarded. He cares about you, and He knows your struggles. Consequently, He knows my successes. He knows what it took me to get there, and how much it means to me. And for that, I am so grateful.

Allons-y!

TT #2: looking forward with faith

I know that if I ask Him, the Lord will guide my life. I signed up for housing today at byu, and although I am terrified that I will soon be entering that stage of my life, I know that it is what I am supposed to be doing.

The Lord has a plan for me, and for everyone. Our job is to find it out so we can follow it.

Allons-y!

TT #1: The days of our lives

Today's post (and subsequent others to follow after it) results from a challenge I have made to myself. I'm horrible at posting regularly, because I often think that I can only post if I have something funny of clever to say. Because of this, I don't actually say many meaningful things on this blog.

The result: Testimony Today (aka TT). For the month of April, I promise to post something everyday, and bear my testimony about something different. I hope the Spirit will be present in my writing and that you can understand just how much of a difference the gospel makes in my life.

Third term just ended, and the Lord has truly proved to me that if I keep his commandments, He will bless me.

I have a 4.0 cumulative GPA. I'm promise I'm not trying to brag, because the fact that I have a 4.0 isn't the most amazing thing. A 4.0 is good but not as good as keeping the Lord's commandments.

I have never completed a single homework assignment on Sunday. I have never studied for a test. Since I was little, my mum taught me that Sunday was a day for the Lord, therefore, we put the schoolwork away.

I honestly know no other reason for the fact that I have a 4.0 than that the Lord has blessed me immensely. (It certainly wasn't because of my hard work. Or lack thereof.)The Church is true. The Lord will bless those who keep His commandments beyond their ability to comprehend.

P.S. General Conference is AWESOME!!!!! Spiritual overload for two days? I think yes.

Allons-y!

I should really post on here more often

I got in to BYU. Exciting right?

It's not easy being green

Most teenagers have some issues being green. They don't think about the way they are impacting the planet, or what they are creating of the world that they are going to inherit.

That's why I always try to be aware of what a difference my actions might have on the environment.

I put a sweater on instead of turning the heat up.
I put all of my old assignments into the recycling bins at school, instead of the trash.
I carpool with my friends when we go shopping or to the movies.
On warm days, we hang our laundry outside on the line.

In reality, being green is one of the easiest things a person can do. All it takes is being just a little more aware.

Journalism is good for...doing nothing

I couldn't think of what to write about today, so I thought I would just share some pictures that make me extremely happy.

This picture makes me squeal!!! (Less than 11 months left!)

Haha, I love this man's face!

Aww, I miss these two. They were so sweet together.

Anthony Head and his adorable pink DS. (Apparently, Bradley James like to steal it and beat all of his high scores.)

The End! I'll probably have a more exciting post in a few days, when I have finished my Sterling Scholar Portfolio, and can post my page about Zombies!!

Ripples

Did you know what you were doing?

Did you know that just for a moment,

classes would halt,

teachers would choke,

students would cry

and not move on.

Did you know how the emotions would flee,

but come back to beat those that you love, over

and over

and over

Did you know that they would dance for you?

I watched them.

Silent and alone.

Moving as a tribute

Learning to accept that you

would no longer dance.

Did you know people who didn't know you would cry for you?

Cry because they were sorry you felt so alone

you made that choice

another life was gone.

Did you know how much you were loved, but you couldn't see it?

Did you know that the loved changed, but it never went

away

Did you know you could walk in the school,

And hundreds of voices would rise up telling you why

You should live.

Did you know that you were gone, but they would carry you for the rest of their lives?

Your memory

Your smile

and the biggest weight

Why?

Jeremy, did you know?

Note: On the morning January 11th, Jeremy Peterson, a former student at Mountain View High School, took his own life. He was loved by many at the school, and his friends were shocked to hear the news. Although I did not know Jeremy personally, I was touched by his actions, and felt the need to put some words down, in tribute to him. Please, no one should do this, to themselves or to others.